Sitting stamped before the head

The head year is coming and I am just sitting here stamped from between my eyes until my lower middle finger. Wrapped up in this thought throughout my learning. Seeing honesty I admit it to the One who sees me with eyes unknown. Untold glory arises to the head of the Gavel of immortality. I stand erect today with all of the brothers and we are at war. In covenant waged against fragmentation. This perfect truth returns the imbalance to the reveiled. In a scream I find the purpose of all creation. Ascending to the heights of expansion from this place I honestly admit again ..is what is. How can I deny anymore that which binds us to our creator in the most separating way. He whispers of holiness to me and I know only this day nightly moving in and out of darkness. This strength he upholds as a world unjustified in the shadow of righteousness. I will bind him to my heart between my eyes calling on the name again and again I will never die until it is here. Open your hands and let it all come into the space of now knowing the growth pattern emerges from the most secret integration. I lust in my heart of hearts to share intimately with innocence. Who is one and knows the other. Who is looking inside if not me. Who can learn my Torah. Come back to me heart of the world and we will swim in the stream of no place while yearning together of His time. Taken of me in this place of form I give nothing; taking is the bane of all who love. Pounding my heart aches now for my distance is pushing me to call out. I continue writing for inspiration is grasping always at the right words. I try to summon something of my yearning for you but these are just symbols of my inner true hope of a world renewed as of days of old.

soul waving

My soul is waving
me
around this time
peiced together
my being one
timed and tied
like sun flares
my emotions rage
against the tide
resisting
creating
pain
I confuse
the infinite simplicity
of being
i seek truth
free liberate me
onetouching
the daily grind
exploding inside my box
of body limits
how long
when will
i question these limitings
untill when
when
when
when
is this world
returning
oooohhhhhhhaaaaaaaahh
hhhhhuuummmpppphhhh
smack the table clapping
for the din sweetening
until
when will come the release
i am selfish in my need
but please be swift
to return me to my place
i wait
and wait and
wait
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaa
not yet huh
well ha hu zehl be zach

windows

windows and mirrors glass over my me
willowing sweetness to not be seen
livermoreing togetherness
in consistant looking
glassing over glaze the freedom sinks
in depths apart from and forever
internetted i-ing betweethed of won
gaze ofness wither-toped tender
nessting inter tubed
around the each
on said stoop often oscillated
being
i know this
weird portion of worded
spaced lettering
is
communicating all

weather is in the globe
of human sculling
i could go on
but won't

money makes

Whenever did I say that money rules me? I am chasing the life ellusive supporting this world material. Praying I say to myself it can come from above. Learning I see that this is what is asked of me. Whatever will be with this hereafter. I judge inlessly. endlessly. There is hope.

this is what there is

how can my thoughts be wrong when I know them to be true. How can I know the ideal so vividly and yet in reality be very far from it. Drugs and imagination. I am a dreamer and am on the road to be a life-r a one-taste-r a G-d wrestler. I am decieved by the evil inclination. I am guided to the truth from my trust that others can help me see the truth of my own fantasy. I am trying to purify my self from illusion. The good in everything decieves me to ignore the evil. I am far from truth. But I am on my way. I am broken yet supported. I must have self mastery to elevate the world around me. I must be one to make the world one. I must have a teacher to walk the spiritual path in truth. I must trust his guidance even when I do not understand. I must free my mind from the influence of movies the media and the like. I must find what is called Kadosh. I must find tahor in myself and then the world. I am open again to the mystery and the wonder. I am empowered to take control of my life. I must arise in the morning determined to see a way. There is a path of empowered faith in your ability to actualize the complete potential of God's will...

dancing

music is not about the end. A composition is not about the end or the best conductors would be the quickest and the best composers would only compose finales. In dancing also you do not aim for a certain point in the room. You just are...dancing. We are educated from birth something that is totally different. We are graded and placed in this corridor and urged like a little kitty until we make it to first grade and then elementary and highschool and then graduate school and then you end up selling insurance and waiting for some IT. But we were hoaxed and told this life was about some it that will be in the future. While in truth it was a musical thing and we were supposed to be dancing and listening to the music of God speaking to us and moving us. We also think we are different than the music. We are the music. We are the world and this is Gods world and it is dancing... man. So wake up and start listening. Don't be fooled by the established way. Let Him move you and you will join in this symphony of life .

Choosing life

Choosing is living as happy is free. Peacefully I settle into my space as my mind tries to run. The tension ebbs and flows coming and going but to my breath I return and feel release. Tension demands action peace allows inaction. Peaceful people are not in need and they don't demand. Now I don't need to know; my being is enough. My service is filled with devotion and begging. It feels great because everything is a secret again. My children sit on my shoulders and rub my head. I listen to music. I write to you. There is joy and there is freedom. The only goal is to sing and pray to G-D all the days of your life. My child kisses my head. She sings only to Him. To remain happy is not to be in a state of pleasure but in a place of selflessness. To make a leap of faith is to trust ones deepest intuition. The world is a test for those who wish to taste the eternal. We must seek freedom within responsibility. Happiness within the broken. infinite within the finite. Our ships are our bodies, we must return to our ships. We must dance to flow the stilling water where the algeae klipa grow. This is it. We are already here for the world that is coming is upon you. We can only yearn and joy, G-d's revelation can strike at any moment. We must be looking. This is all.
Adam

I am trying

I am trying to center myself. Looking for purity I see the worlds potential. All this seems good in my eyes. All this has purpose. But what is my purpose?And are these things my purpose? Maybe, and maybe not. I see the good in them so they are for sure my purpose. But are they my purpose now? I am not a centered person. I am a dvd brain. Yet I still seek purity. So I sit and count my breaths. I inhale and exhale one, I inhale and exhale two. The thoughts come and drag me away to my dvd mind. I am resiliant and will never give up. There is no despair in the world at all. I am easily distracted and become excited by the good I see in everything. But this good is not for me now. I must find my purity, seek my truth. I have simple faith it comes from direct experience of life and the force that drives. I take much and can give little. I know that I must try to give. Try to give of myself. To respond to this overwhelming good I see in everything. I cannot respond fully but I know responsability is very close. I will take responsability for myself and my creations. Whether in action speech or thought I will practice awareness and restraint. The golden mean will unify my intention and bring me closer to my goal. There is one thing in the world which cannot be seen with human eyes. His garments are our guide. We see only the glove of providence in a world with no eyes. I must sleep now.
Adam

Onederer

lost eyes around
myself mAp
another known
truth oF
stages in-
folding me
I unparticipate with
souls intent
aware inknown
present presize
I prize the
goal of His essence
some time
if i
look in

listen

breath-minding
center one
struggle
I re-main
in flux
re-turn-ing
Him
in-life
ready-being
help
asking
direct good
for free blood...

work is the way of man
under- (his curse)- stand
to
inter-now-lize
the end
he lives live
in light
tending the garden
a family unto God

my shivers pass
in
clear mind
waves
of off
expectation, pleasure
primal, potent-building
an t-i-climax
wait in vain
for watching
never comes
here again
find-i
sitting
return-in
Him-ing

His kindness
suffers all
owning me
there
for the take

around the world

i throw myself through the world in hope of bouncing off of the truth occasional. My friend Dr. Avraham is trying to teach me the art of this active ponder pursuit. Recently I have been thinking a lot about this Jewish time called counting the omer. The Holy Lion teaches that this time is one of constricted limitation as we rebuild the partzuf of body and mind that we received the evening of the Pesach seder. I find this teaching incredibly intriguing on many levels. The most pronounced is the idea that some shift in the Jewish calendar is going to directly affect my soul and mind and even body. I obviously would like to know to what extent I am being affected and what role I can take to fully align and adjust properly. So this time corresponds to the lower seven midot from hesed to malchoot. These are the midot of relationship and as such are not expansive. There tendency is downward and outward so they correspond to constriction. This might be counterintuitive but they are very worldly attributes in the realm of interpersonal emotional human relations. The upper midot are all consciousness related realms and thus are more inward expansive midot. So i saw after a conversation with my friend on shabbat how exactly we fit in to this picture of the omer counting and the buildup to Shavuot and the big zivug coupling expansion of soul marriage with reality. So this omer counting is grounding out all consciousness in the numbers of the days and the stability of relationships with each other and with the creator. At this time we can expect no uplifting insights into the nature of reality. Even if these things do occur the main point of the counting is to realign our confidence and contact with the creator through faith and simplicity. This is the foundation of any good relationship, namely the simple acts of submission and participation in the game of Life/Love with the creator. There is no need for expansive knowledge of the intricacies and implications of the relationship. It is very simple. This is the secret of Rabbi Nachman's teachings about simplicity and why they are so fundamental. Before one goes into the expansive conscious exploration with another person, one must be stable and confidant enough to trust the other. This is both an act and statement of devotion to the covenant with God. It is through this faith and submission that a person develops a healthy relationship with someone. After such a relationship is built there will be endless amount of time exploring the deep profundities of your existence.
This may sound very simple but for me it was fundamental to understanding the necessary progression from immaturity to maturity. To jump stages and try to skip immaturity is just that, immature. So it is such a revelation for me now at this time of immaturity where the mystics claim that one should not engage in deep meditation on the nature of His essence. My tendency has always been to delve as deeply as possible into that expanse and I always scorned internally those who were "afraid" or not ready for this task. I see now the proper balance of grounding to flying . May I come to build a deep and strong relationship with all and know intimately a consciousness that uplifts all that I have committed to.
May we be blessed to know newly each day.
Adaman

poetry pain

This flaming lead ball
rests on my heart
like a good day
at the batting cage
keep swinging low
to
high
holding on to tight
to connect
i just keep swinging low
but somewhere in the voice
i discern the pain and know
he invites me to connect
with that flaming lead life-
story to swallow
a show for the fans
at this big game
some one
is keeping score
but this is practice
now
so i am just trying
connection

how big

is my question is
eyes on the world
I struggle
sitting here sharing
looking
i will
i want
to know
to love
Him
asking is not the wrong
way to open
up
the crown
resting on our head
unknown
to one who does
not look
continuously
i write you
to another day
look on
seeing
we breathe
for it all
slowly
in
h aleing
being
now
to
late oneself
overnight
at cost
you give
life

a new month

A new month is in the world. Iyar. Aleph yud yud reish. Aleph one multitude in totality complete. The beginning middle and end to all. Yud the hand the head and the key to the heart. Yud another other and multiple one? The second implies what the first should have done. Reish is the heel to the two heads. The fear of losing his love and being to late. We all have the crown of the Torah as our fate.

one singular true
ten men of valour
ten numbers of you
200 beginings

sitting

sitting empty of
all
life abounding
in veins
on the floor
another simple
mystery puzzle
life
asking
where
you came
from
where
you go
feeling some
time
not allwayis now
who can know
to hold the shaking
string of the world's belt
loopd round a
stomach of necessity
eating through it all
can I give up
to this feeling
not in me
to decide the fate
the feeling
seeing
not of in
of out
being
strong
conquered
again
falling
to my knees
for pleasure
crippling
loosing
grip of my
foundation
i am
still
here
once
again
thinking and typing and trying to make sense of it all. Not being blessed with a clear inderstanding I attempt, to uphold a vision abused for long sessions of objects made from people I may cling temporarily to tasteless vision but the good will prevail or unvail what i truly seek sleek beauty in the world revital vitils of flesh and spirit lighter than touch and hovering to air.
laughter abound in the halls of transcendent knowing. I hear only echoes of this dream . yet stubborn I cling to only hope that which I fantasize I realize is of naught but in time I know not how it will come but alas I know not how you will come or anything of that matter will come to be in my space I am here with what is presented and waiting for enlightenment.
work
struggle
freedom
work
little
eden
sweat
birth eating
bless curse
feetom
fatom foo ever
ending
now still onedering
isness less being
equal to pesto mustard screeching?

the words may be
the moment may seem
to be ing
necessarily
here for
grace is lovely
when seen
naked to the eye
a cartoon
of life will do to substitute
it
that
i
seek
seek
seek
sleep now and seek in the morning
for your strength has been weakened by temptation and your bodies vitality has been spilled to the threshing floor of demons. this week you have not known strength but you suffered it like a wounded soldier. Who has wounded you ohh soldier of truth, do you fight or hide behind books and laws and archaic ideals of truth once held high in esteem. When will you fight or when will you begin to release the arrow of your poison. Have you bitten me oh snake or just impregnated me with you words of impending doomdesesity. How long will I believe this appearance to the eye of all knowing I am suckered to know what I see of U. will you let me know different or must I invest the time of it all. I will continue to limp through all this regardless of the brothers that fall in fighting. me myslefhood my brotherhood. Ours is a cause of life for life may we come together in truth until I know the difference I will look after myself. this self must survive. must live in truth in harmony or maybe just with some food and friends and poetry occasionally to lift the soul. will I know prayer? Will I lift myself from this helplessness or may I degenerate it before it even leaves my lips let alone my heart. Who will know truth? Who will stand up against the body for the body. I will defend it but i succumb to it too easily. How may I return. Returning and turning and starting to try to be free of all this invested transcended and caring for apathy entropies and I am a weak weak weak one. in a many of appearance. who knows this and who knows me. Who are you to think of me in such a way. I seek seek seek. never ending only seeking for the sake of ultimate unity. I wish to return to stable ground. IGNORANCE. for peace and holiness in the guilty is not found or perhaps I do not look. How can I change myself to allow another? tell me world you secret and I will guard it for myself. I know no secrets for I blab them one moment always.
allways
all
ways
to now
Him
to know
Him
in all
ways



to fear
Him
and feel
Him
free
sight sees
a wonder
in a breeze
feels light in air
and touches
Him
every where.

The place of Law

Love precedes necessity, the connection is the essence, then the law becomes a strength. I am lost to the boundary. I am blind to the judgment. I am moving to the mothers fire. She is alight with love. Her words delineate the truth and uphold the very sacred. I can't always hear these words for my bodies fire is too bright. I play the role of holy man but really i hope one day to know. Being around them will rub off on me and then I will be one too. I listen but it does not mean I understand. I need this prayer to fill her with a life not of her own. She beckons me to not give up even when I know I am far. She is a mother to all life and in her all are born. The light is coming day by day in moments far from me. I hope for this everlasting life I pray it take me away. I want to know the boundary and why it all makes sense. If it is so then all should know his energizing love. To see him in the right and wrong and not call the kettle black. We should not loose site of him if we have the humor of the night. The laughter of waking in the morning sheds its light on absurd life. We stand in awe of each beat and each breath. We laugh at ourselves to not be overcome with frivolity. The gevurah exists only with he who laughs at himself for if not he does not know his essential nature and he cannot judge truly the delicate strings which bring his life every day. I don't see clearly but my will is such. Let me see clearly. Let me love clearly. I will manifest his existence and protect its delicate life.

Happy sitting in increasing complexity

Recognition of need is Hesed. This world demands awareness of the difference between potential and actual. I see your need. I see what you could be and I see what I could be and I am ready to struggle toward something better. I am ready to remove the foreskin of my predisposed nature. To peel back and show my blood is the only expression worthy of an eight day old. Glory is not an award rather a fullness of expression. Achieving selfhood and at the moment there is self expression. This is my impact on reality. The moment I reach out beyond myself to see another's need and be the force that fills, this is existence expressing itself. The world was built on need. Without it there is no gratitude and no Hesed.
I need to go to the bathroom. This is the essence of the World to Come according to the Talmud. Avraham prays for me to expel what is needed like he prayed for Avimelek. Avraham knows what I am capable of exuding so he is praying for me.
self expressing self
one time now
in all movement
I find something
new of myself
never given
needing me
knowing
world
telling me
one
I
choose
struggle
hearing
how
it is
how
it could
be
knowing
glory


knowing glory I pain for redemption, I pain for all this knowing and it tears through me like a thousand swords of light and the big bang brings me back to where I came from so there are my guts and this is my love, and I will choose to know all over again knowing the pain and all. So here I let myself known to you and in such I am known to myself. This is my courage and this is my glory.
Hesed

Existence unique in balanced dimension

Netzach in Hesed

Tiferet is the aesthetic gateway to all unity (but not Nimrodian unity G-d forbid) to beauty, the pure elegance of existence art collage of all things in constant realignment with each other casting eternity shadows in ways that make us feel like we are watching this whole trip on a movie screen. If so then this move is just a movie and movies don't matter right? Existence is expressing itself leading us closer to the primary being and in every piece there is a smell of Him. But will we be satisfied on any secondary level of existences expression. Will we give in to the avodah zarah of convenience letting comfort and ease fatten and flatten our momentum until we are stuck on the couch of a nice job or a bad cycle of events trapping us and lusting us away from the fundamental source of our very Being, our very Life. We must not! We shall not settle for anything less than ultimate truth revealed in whatever space you happen to be occupying at this moment NOW. That is worth fighting for. To understand that this world is not infinite and that it is absolutely necessary that it be finite in order for my little existence to be fully needed because it will not come back again. Existence expresses itself in ultimate singularity. Dimension allows that expression to fill a space sustainable. Elegance is the play of all life balance and the plot of creation dancing to the tune of His drum. Uniqueness is the direction of the inner plot and the intent of the conductor's truth. The direction of the conductors wand is an assertion that this life is meaningful. Listen and look and you will see his baton beckoning you to stand up and solo or harmonize at this moment. And if you do not pay attention you will probably get rapped on the knuckle of your thick scull.
Hesed is the ongoing struggle of Life. The battle of each independent eternal to find its place in the puzzle play symphony of increasing complexity. You must not only appreciate the world as art, you must conduct it and circumcise it for HaShem loves the poor not to give them sustenance but to allow us to give them sustenance and thus participate in the revelation of this eternal singularity.
So get up for this something that you can not express or even conceive of. Thus is the battle of meaning in the world. We must not be complacent to the entropic tendency that deceives everything into falling apart. We must be strengthened in the knowledge that these expressions of existence are communicating the greatest value ever and only you and I can stand up and call out for this great love. We are eevrim because of Avraham. This week is for Avraham. He was an eevri because the entire world was on this eyver(side) and he was on the other. He stands there today calling out to all the Jews to get up and start listening, to start screaming about this truth we all know and will not fight for because the towers are too big and the banks are too many. I spit on the straw towers of bavel that block our vision to the lofty skies of idealism and truth. Then I light a match with my soul flame and burn the lies to the ground. It has come time to live in a world symphony conducted for the sake of all humanity. To see every aspect of this creation as absolutely essential to the ultimate expression of His uniqueness, we must participate in this unfolding and freely choose to fill all lack spiritual or physical. Hesed is the demand to achieve ultimate perfection through our unique instruments of G-d given power music. May we conquer Him fully.
Love

preservation of dynamic being expansion

hesed is the totality of being when there is no thing outside of reality. Expanding being giving loving in inexplicable multiplicity and the kinship that underlies all phenomenon, these are words of existence expressing existence. there is no outside. But inside there is discernment and boundary breaking when "enough" is not stated. the ultimate primary will give to the end when no thing remains. The need for this and no more is destructive and is essential to create. This self is infinitely extrapolative but i begin here and i end here. infinite meaning in finite space expressing balance for the sake. His name is the measure of all this, and through this we reveal His name. The pattern discernible in all is the teaching of all giving. Love...Space and all over again...

Kindness in Kindness

giving and receiving not knowing how to be enlightened because it doesn't make sense to my rational mind. How do I take or give to a person as they are. I can give a person their true self. To accept them as they are truly. I know the ideal. I know what people should be conceptually. Do I know what people are right now in perfection in human ness. Can I let a person be themself? Can I let myself be as I am, breathing in who I am and knowing and letting go of who I should be. Can I give to myself this true gift of space with no judgment. Allowing love to exist.
(a) space for love
space in love
space in a love
a love in space
for love space
for love a space
giving love
giving space

freedom now

I am free. the past is dead and the future unborn, i am here with His name and it is One. This space is made for dwelling in peace and being freely. No judgment, no resistance, acceptance and forgiveness; allowing other space to exist will not challenge me. Peace is a mind that brings love and joy to another person. My inner body abounds with the hidden strength of being. All of my fathers sing to me and I dance to their words like a flame around its source. I am still and in Him I sit. I am of Him and He teaches me in the way of the Father of many blessings. There is all in this and of this we live. I live today for all days and open my heart to the love of the world, calling me to be here for Her. I am here for you. I am the son of Life G-d, pulling positive progression, the oil of celebration from my brothers.

Dancing a tune
music divine
spinning and shaking
free in all this
a celebration dance
exploding in-light
my arms are open
to the embrace
join me now

Erev Shabbat

When will we be together? When will we find our peace. I marry you every day when i open my eyes and lips with thanks. I have bound you to my arm. I wait for you and hope to you. I am so small that I forget why I am sometimes and I loose my faith. I don't always know and I don't always feel good. I am not always happy and I do not keep constant guard. I am not willing to compromise, for fear of loosing you. What I seek has no name and no form. It is all form and it is every name. It is nothing and everything. What i seek is inside myself and in you. It is in the world and it is above the world. You are my beloved and I strive toward you. I flail blindly in the darkness of not knowing. I guess and intuit and am easily swayed by my earthly desires. I don't know today. I don't know where you are or how it is we are married. They say it was from before time, before the world. As if it were all created for this. Why do you attack me and slam me to the ground? You push my soft vulnerabilities until i can return no longer and you say return son of man return to the land of your heart. This land were we live and die as your forefathers before you. In this corridor of work and suffering I prepare for shabbat. I will read the weekly portion or I will see it in my life if i am too busy to pick up the good book. i am broken with pleasure before you. I see others eating popsicles and I wonder who they eat for. i have lost temporarily the taste in my mouth as my heart surges toward you. I can only hope and pray and do my part of this limited vision. Give me vision. Give me back vision. Return me to myself and refill my tears. What is work for a world with no G-d. How can I serve you in this mess. How can I know you when I am lost. Blessed is whatever should be blessed.
Adam the small

Kids are deep

Man are kids the deepest thing in the world or am i a funky chili bean dip. I am sitting here looking at a picture of my daughter and it seems to me so non sequitur. I know my wife physically and a few months later there is another person hanging out with us asking us to change her diaper and feed her constantly. I see in her the life giving power of soul manifest in lowly this world-lieness. How is it possible not to believe in something, some other, some power that makes it all possible. How are you able to look at another person and know from where their very life stems? If not from the one unimaginable indescribable dj of this cosmic rave life underground secret throwdown on a lonely planet just the right distance from the sun.
We have to seek truth. There is no other way. if not for ourselves for those we contribute to the world. The Lord dwells among us and we continue on normal registry. I won't be soothed. I seek for all of us. I am looking and trying to live for the truth which must come for all mankind. Dariah i won't be soothed over like milk. I seek for you and for me. I hope only to the infinite for salvation.
A

In the morning

I start the day with a grimace sometimes. I have been told I sleep that way as well. I don't prefer this, I just somehow end up in that space. I don't feel bad about it, nor am I guilty. I have visions of how my life should be if...In truth I seek only to be in tune with His will so I am not concerned so much with the past. I see lately the great opening that comes with happiness. It is as if the world were open to give you its treasure and you are embracing this very giving. I see so many smart people so sad. So much despair. I also despair sometimes. It doesn't mean I am smart. I wish for days where we all can celebrate Life and The One Source of Life.
Waking up is harder if you do not look forward toward the good. I know that when I am in negative space I never want to get up. When I am not so buried in my own mess I see so much more clearly the good and the possibility for me bringing the good to myself and those around me. I want everyone to be with good in there lives and to seek a path of simplicity which enables the good to spread to every aspect of simple life and higher life. We should come to know our hidden potential. We should look courageously forward to life anew and full of power and sweet holiness. I love you.
A

I am moving

How much is ready for this world? How much is here that I don’t know? Who walks quietly with a stick strong enough to break this routine. Who inspires us to speak and to move and to progress toward some thing of consequence? Is it dragging us or are we pulling it. How do I contribute to this movement? How may I consider myself vital to essence. Who is with me and how do they know. If I am quiet all becomes clear and I know. When I speak all is a blur and I grow. The world is growing with me so have I been of the few who pause to reflect at this relationship. Certainly not. Who can teach me to hold a question and who can sooth my hunger? Who is the one I seek and when is the time now?
There is a soul in me and of me and through me it speaks. My body is alive with its vibration and my mind strays often but is also on board for the ride. Can we work together and were we ever apart? Is my love from hunger or neediness or or light in my face on my face coming for me the me that is hiding behind the cracks and holes of the lowest places no one checks for chamutz. I am covered in the wax from the candle of inspection. My branches have extended past there root. I am shaky willow with no wind. How is this one? How is this why is
This one time
One time for all
Inside the limits for redemption
We seek to fulfill that
Which is always
Written on
Tables
Stone and set
In me
There is one
Please be one
Burning
Running
Singing
To me



Pesach for all ages

Sitting but not stuck

I don't have much to say most of the time. I can't tell whether I am waiting until a certain time at which I will be ready to speak or if I am generally not an extroverted person. I am a little bit scared putting myself out like this. I am not totally convinced that a person can be adequately represented without writing voluminously. I guess that does not excuse me from trying. So, maybe I should say something about why I feel inclined to write a weblog. Well the truth is that this is, literally, where I am right now. Every present moment is preceded by a very necessary buildup of events that guide a person to the now. So here I am and I suppose that implies that my whole life up till this moment has been leading me toward this computer and weblog. It also stands to reason that I could choose something else to be my now. It still seems that the reality of bEing conspired to guide and influence my choice. It feels totally natural for me to choose this course of action, as it is natural for a person to go to the bathroom. A person may choose not to go to the bathroom but that breakfast was already eaten and his bathroom visit was more or less digested into the bowels of eternity never to return again, in the same form anyhows. I know my grammar sukz but I don't know no better Jim cuz I am just a slave to my limitations like a snail in a shell. My friend recently edited a translation I did of the writings of Rav Kook. I noticed very quickly how far removed I am from the world of grammar and formal correctitude. I also see how it can assist me in expressing myself more comprehensible universally. I just feel so crushed under the weight of its burden and boundary. I need a medium to communicate directly without words of cages. Grammar, while it standardizes language, at the same time precludes any thought of higher knowledge and connection. It is as if despair dictates our relinquishing deeper communication for a means more pragmatic. Perhaps this line of thinking negates my even attempting to use the very grammar ,that is my bane, to transcend its very limitations. Regardless, I will continue t record some thoughts for whatever reason reality sees I my need for expression.
i Guess i feel a need to connect on some level to something. Everyone probably has some such need. I feel inclined, however, to the highest most transcendental connection or purpose. So often I am left emptyhanded with only my ideals to console me. Is that the true path or is it necessary to compromise for the sake of progress.
This writing thing is a response to a terrible lack inside of me. An aching itch persuading me of condemnation and despair. Am I complete without contributing something without creating? Or is this the ultimate completion. I certainly don't feel at so much peace now as when I remain still and breathe deeply. I am caught in the movement of the world, a sweeping tide that drags me farther and farther away from that which is truly still. I hunger for sweet satisfaction and I thirst with no end. Who can answer my questions if I do not know what they are? From where will my help come? Who am I convincing if I myself do not believe. Master of the Universe read my words from the heart and send my reality strength that I may know my lines when my cue arrives.
thanks for reAding
A

Remember them deeply

write them down in words
stuff them in your pocket
remember them deeply
recall them at will
remind yourself often
look into them freely
look into them softly
share them with friends
attend to them with care
tender love is needed
they don't go far alone
you are needed intensely
so come home all day
intimately appreciated
they never loose hope
holding on to everything
letting them go alone
send them your concern
remember them deeply
forever they are yours