I am trying

I am trying to center myself. Looking for purity I see the worlds potential. All this seems good in my eyes. All this has purpose. But what is my purpose?And are these things my purpose? Maybe, and maybe not. I see the good in them so they are for sure my purpose. But are they my purpose now? I am not a centered person. I am a dvd brain. Yet I still seek purity. So I sit and count my breaths. I inhale and exhale one, I inhale and exhale two. The thoughts come and drag me away to my dvd mind. I am resiliant and will never give up. There is no despair in the world at all. I am easily distracted and become excited by the good I see in everything. But this good is not for me now. I must find my purity, seek my truth. I have simple faith it comes from direct experience of life and the force that drives. I take much and can give little. I know that I must try to give. Try to give of myself. To respond to this overwhelming good I see in everything. I cannot respond fully but I know responsability is very close. I will take responsability for myself and my creations. Whether in action speech or thought I will practice awareness and restraint. The golden mean will unify my intention and bring me closer to my goal. There is one thing in the world which cannot be seen with human eyes. His garments are our guide. We see only the glove of providence in a world with no eyes. I must sleep now.
Adam

Onederer

lost eyes around
myself mAp
another known
truth oF
stages in-
folding me
I unparticipate with
souls intent
aware inknown
present presize
I prize the
goal of His essence
some time
if i
look in

listen

breath-minding
center one
struggle
I re-main
in flux
re-turn-ing
Him
in-life
ready-being
help
asking
direct good
for free blood...

work is the way of man
under- (his curse)- stand
to
inter-now-lize
the end
he lives live
in light
tending the garden
a family unto God

my shivers pass
in
clear mind
waves
of off
expectation, pleasure
primal, potent-building
an t-i-climax
wait in vain
for watching
never comes
here again
find-i
sitting
return-in
Him-ing

His kindness
suffers all
owning me
there
for the take

around the world

i throw myself through the world in hope of bouncing off of the truth occasional. My friend Dr. Avraham is trying to teach me the art of this active ponder pursuit. Recently I have been thinking a lot about this Jewish time called counting the omer. The Holy Lion teaches that this time is one of constricted limitation as we rebuild the partzuf of body and mind that we received the evening of the Pesach seder. I find this teaching incredibly intriguing on many levels. The most pronounced is the idea that some shift in the Jewish calendar is going to directly affect my soul and mind and even body. I obviously would like to know to what extent I am being affected and what role I can take to fully align and adjust properly. So this time corresponds to the lower seven midot from hesed to malchoot. These are the midot of relationship and as such are not expansive. There tendency is downward and outward so they correspond to constriction. This might be counterintuitive but they are very worldly attributes in the realm of interpersonal emotional human relations. The upper midot are all consciousness related realms and thus are more inward expansive midot. So i saw after a conversation with my friend on shabbat how exactly we fit in to this picture of the omer counting and the buildup to Shavuot and the big zivug coupling expansion of soul marriage with reality. So this omer counting is grounding out all consciousness in the numbers of the days and the stability of relationships with each other and with the creator. At this time we can expect no uplifting insights into the nature of reality. Even if these things do occur the main point of the counting is to realign our confidence and contact with the creator through faith and simplicity. This is the foundation of any good relationship, namely the simple acts of submission and participation in the game of Life/Love with the creator. There is no need for expansive knowledge of the intricacies and implications of the relationship. It is very simple. This is the secret of Rabbi Nachman's teachings about simplicity and why they are so fundamental. Before one goes into the expansive conscious exploration with another person, one must be stable and confidant enough to trust the other. This is both an act and statement of devotion to the covenant with God. It is through this faith and submission that a person develops a healthy relationship with someone. After such a relationship is built there will be endless amount of time exploring the deep profundities of your existence.
This may sound very simple but for me it was fundamental to understanding the necessary progression from immaturity to maturity. To jump stages and try to skip immaturity is just that, immature. So it is such a revelation for me now at this time of immaturity where the mystics claim that one should not engage in deep meditation on the nature of His essence. My tendency has always been to delve as deeply as possible into that expanse and I always scorned internally those who were "afraid" or not ready for this task. I see now the proper balance of grounding to flying . May I come to build a deep and strong relationship with all and know intimately a consciousness that uplifts all that I have committed to.
May we be blessed to know newly each day.
Adaman