Erev Shabbat

When will we be together? When will we find our peace. I marry you every day when i open my eyes and lips with thanks. I have bound you to my arm. I wait for you and hope to you. I am so small that I forget why I am sometimes and I loose my faith. I don't always know and I don't always feel good. I am not always happy and I do not keep constant guard. I am not willing to compromise, for fear of loosing you. What I seek has no name and no form. It is all form and it is every name. It is nothing and everything. What i seek is inside myself and in you. It is in the world and it is above the world. You are my beloved and I strive toward you. I flail blindly in the darkness of not knowing. I guess and intuit and am easily swayed by my earthly desires. I don't know today. I don't know where you are or how it is we are married. They say it was from before time, before the world. As if it were all created for this. Why do you attack me and slam me to the ground? You push my soft vulnerabilities until i can return no longer and you say return son of man return to the land of your heart. This land were we live and die as your forefathers before you. In this corridor of work and suffering I prepare for shabbat. I will read the weekly portion or I will see it in my life if i am too busy to pick up the good book. i am broken with pleasure before you. I see others eating popsicles and I wonder who they eat for. i have lost temporarily the taste in my mouth as my heart surges toward you. I can only hope and pray and do my part of this limited vision. Give me vision. Give me back vision. Return me to myself and refill my tears. What is work for a world with no G-d. How can I serve you in this mess. How can I know you when I am lost. Blessed is whatever should be blessed.
Adam the small