I don't have much to say most of the time. I can't tell whether I am waiting until a certain time at which I will be ready to speak or if I am generally not an extroverted person. I am a little bit scared putting myself out like this. I am not totally convinced that a person can be adequately represented without writing voluminously. I guess that does not excuse me from trying. So, maybe I should say something about why I feel inclined to write a weblog. Well the truth is that this is, literally, where I am right now. Every present moment is preceded by a very necessary buildup of events that guide a person to the now. So here I am and I suppose that implies that my whole life up till this moment has been leading me toward this computer and weblog. It also stands to reason that I could choose something else to be my now. It still seems that the reality of bEing conspired to guide and influence my choice. It feels totally natural for me to choose this course of action, as it is natural for a person to go to the bathroom. A person may choose not to go to the bathroom but that breakfast was already eaten and his bathroom visit was more or less digested into the bowels of eternity never to return again, in the same form anyhows. I know my grammar sukz but I don't know no better Jim cuz I am just a slave to my limitations like a snail in a shell. My friend recently edited a translation I did of the writings of Rav Kook. I noticed very quickly how far removed I am from the world of grammar and formal correctitude. I also see how it can assist me in expressing myself more comprehensible universally. I just feel so crushed under the weight of its burden and boundary. I need a medium to communicate directly without words of cages. Grammar, while it standardizes language, at the same time precludes any thought of higher knowledge and connection. It is as if despair dictates our relinquishing deeper communication for a means more pragmatic. Perhaps this line of thinking negates my even attempting to use the very grammar ,that is my bane, to transcend its very limitations. Regardless, I will continue t record some thoughts for whatever reason reality sees I my need for expression.
i Guess i feel a need to connect on some level to something. Everyone probably has some such need. I feel inclined, however, to the highest most transcendental connection or purpose. So often I am left emptyhanded with only my ideals to console me. Is that the true path or is it necessary to compromise for the sake of progress.
This writing thing is a response to a terrible lack inside of me. An aching itch persuading me of condemnation and despair. Am I complete without contributing something without creating? Or is this the ultimate completion. I certainly don't feel at so much peace now as when I remain still and breathe deeply. I am caught in the movement of the world, a sweeping tide that drags me farther and farther away from that which is truly still. I hunger for sweet satisfaction and I thirst with no end. Who can answer my questions if I do not know what they are? From where will my help come? Who am I convincing if I myself do not believe. Master of the Universe read my words from the heart and send my reality strength that I may know my lines when my cue arrives.
thanks for reAding
A
Remember them deeply
write them down in words
stuff them in your pocket
remember them deeply
recall them at will
remind yourself often
look into them freely
look into them softly
share them with friends
attend to them with care
tender love is needed
they don't go far alone
you are needed intensely
so come home all day
intimately appreciated
they never loose hope
holding on to everything
letting them go alone
send them your concern
remember them deeply
forever they are yours
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