Happy sitting in increasing complexity

Recognition of need is Hesed. This world demands awareness of the difference between potential and actual. I see your need. I see what you could be and I see what I could be and I am ready to struggle toward something better. I am ready to remove the foreskin of my predisposed nature. To peel back and show my blood is the only expression worthy of an eight day old. Glory is not an award rather a fullness of expression. Achieving selfhood and at the moment there is self expression. This is my impact on reality. The moment I reach out beyond myself to see another's need and be the force that fills, this is existence expressing itself. The world was built on need. Without it there is no gratitude and no Hesed.
I need to go to the bathroom. This is the essence of the World to Come according to the Talmud. Avraham prays for me to expel what is needed like he prayed for Avimelek. Avraham knows what I am capable of exuding so he is praying for me.
self expressing self
one time now
in all movement
I find something
new of myself
never given
needing me
knowing
world
telling me
one
I
choose
struggle
hearing
how
it is
how
it could
be
knowing
glory


knowing glory I pain for redemption, I pain for all this knowing and it tears through me like a thousand swords of light and the big bang brings me back to where I came from so there are my guts and this is my love, and I will choose to know all over again knowing the pain and all. So here I let myself known to you and in such I am known to myself. This is my courage and this is my glory.
Hesed

Existence unique in balanced dimension

Netzach in Hesed

Tiferet is the aesthetic gateway to all unity (but not Nimrodian unity G-d forbid) to beauty, the pure elegance of existence art collage of all things in constant realignment with each other casting eternity shadows in ways that make us feel like we are watching this whole trip on a movie screen. If so then this move is just a movie and movies don't matter right? Existence is expressing itself leading us closer to the primary being and in every piece there is a smell of Him. But will we be satisfied on any secondary level of existences expression. Will we give in to the avodah zarah of convenience letting comfort and ease fatten and flatten our momentum until we are stuck on the couch of a nice job or a bad cycle of events trapping us and lusting us away from the fundamental source of our very Being, our very Life. We must not! We shall not settle for anything less than ultimate truth revealed in whatever space you happen to be occupying at this moment NOW. That is worth fighting for. To understand that this world is not infinite and that it is absolutely necessary that it be finite in order for my little existence to be fully needed because it will not come back again. Existence expresses itself in ultimate singularity. Dimension allows that expression to fill a space sustainable. Elegance is the play of all life balance and the plot of creation dancing to the tune of His drum. Uniqueness is the direction of the inner plot and the intent of the conductor's truth. The direction of the conductors wand is an assertion that this life is meaningful. Listen and look and you will see his baton beckoning you to stand up and solo or harmonize at this moment. And if you do not pay attention you will probably get rapped on the knuckle of your thick scull.
Hesed is the ongoing struggle of Life. The battle of each independent eternal to find its place in the puzzle play symphony of increasing complexity. You must not only appreciate the world as art, you must conduct it and circumcise it for HaShem loves the poor not to give them sustenance but to allow us to give them sustenance and thus participate in the revelation of this eternal singularity.
So get up for this something that you can not express or even conceive of. Thus is the battle of meaning in the world. We must not be complacent to the entropic tendency that deceives everything into falling apart. We must be strengthened in the knowledge that these expressions of existence are communicating the greatest value ever and only you and I can stand up and call out for this great love. We are eevrim because of Avraham. This week is for Avraham. He was an eevri because the entire world was on this eyver(side) and he was on the other. He stands there today calling out to all the Jews to get up and start listening, to start screaming about this truth we all know and will not fight for because the towers are too big and the banks are too many. I spit on the straw towers of bavel that block our vision to the lofty skies of idealism and truth. Then I light a match with my soul flame and burn the lies to the ground. It has come time to live in a world symphony conducted for the sake of all humanity. To see every aspect of this creation as absolutely essential to the ultimate expression of His uniqueness, we must participate in this unfolding and freely choose to fill all lack spiritual or physical. Hesed is the demand to achieve ultimate perfection through our unique instruments of G-d given power music. May we conquer Him fully.
Love

preservation of dynamic being expansion

hesed is the totality of being when there is no thing outside of reality. Expanding being giving loving in inexplicable multiplicity and the kinship that underlies all phenomenon, these are words of existence expressing existence. there is no outside. But inside there is discernment and boundary breaking when "enough" is not stated. the ultimate primary will give to the end when no thing remains. The need for this and no more is destructive and is essential to create. This self is infinitely extrapolative but i begin here and i end here. infinite meaning in finite space expressing balance for the sake. His name is the measure of all this, and through this we reveal His name. The pattern discernible in all is the teaching of all giving. Love...Space and all over again...

Kindness in Kindness

giving and receiving not knowing how to be enlightened because it doesn't make sense to my rational mind. How do I take or give to a person as they are. I can give a person their true self. To accept them as they are truly. I know the ideal. I know what people should be conceptually. Do I know what people are right now in perfection in human ness. Can I let a person be themself? Can I let myself be as I am, breathing in who I am and knowing and letting go of who I should be. Can I give to myself this true gift of space with no judgment. Allowing love to exist.
(a) space for love
space in love
space in a love
a love in space
for love space
for love a space
giving love
giving space

freedom now

I am free. the past is dead and the future unborn, i am here with His name and it is One. This space is made for dwelling in peace and being freely. No judgment, no resistance, acceptance and forgiveness; allowing other space to exist will not challenge me. Peace is a mind that brings love and joy to another person. My inner body abounds with the hidden strength of being. All of my fathers sing to me and I dance to their words like a flame around its source. I am still and in Him I sit. I am of Him and He teaches me in the way of the Father of many blessings. There is all in this and of this we live. I live today for all days and open my heart to the love of the world, calling me to be here for Her. I am here for you. I am the son of Life G-d, pulling positive progression, the oil of celebration from my brothers.

Dancing a tune
music divine
spinning and shaking
free in all this
a celebration dance
exploding in-light
my arms are open
to the embrace
join me now

Erev Shabbat

When will we be together? When will we find our peace. I marry you every day when i open my eyes and lips with thanks. I have bound you to my arm. I wait for you and hope to you. I am so small that I forget why I am sometimes and I loose my faith. I don't always know and I don't always feel good. I am not always happy and I do not keep constant guard. I am not willing to compromise, for fear of loosing you. What I seek has no name and no form. It is all form and it is every name. It is nothing and everything. What i seek is inside myself and in you. It is in the world and it is above the world. You are my beloved and I strive toward you. I flail blindly in the darkness of not knowing. I guess and intuit and am easily swayed by my earthly desires. I don't know today. I don't know where you are or how it is we are married. They say it was from before time, before the world. As if it were all created for this. Why do you attack me and slam me to the ground? You push my soft vulnerabilities until i can return no longer and you say return son of man return to the land of your heart. This land were we live and die as your forefathers before you. In this corridor of work and suffering I prepare for shabbat. I will read the weekly portion or I will see it in my life if i am too busy to pick up the good book. i am broken with pleasure before you. I see others eating popsicles and I wonder who they eat for. i have lost temporarily the taste in my mouth as my heart surges toward you. I can only hope and pray and do my part of this limited vision. Give me vision. Give me back vision. Return me to myself and refill my tears. What is work for a world with no G-d. How can I serve you in this mess. How can I know you when I am lost. Blessed is whatever should be blessed.
Adam the small

Kids are deep

Man are kids the deepest thing in the world or am i a funky chili bean dip. I am sitting here looking at a picture of my daughter and it seems to me so non sequitur. I know my wife physically and a few months later there is another person hanging out with us asking us to change her diaper and feed her constantly. I see in her the life giving power of soul manifest in lowly this world-lieness. How is it possible not to believe in something, some other, some power that makes it all possible. How are you able to look at another person and know from where their very life stems? If not from the one unimaginable indescribable dj of this cosmic rave life underground secret throwdown on a lonely planet just the right distance from the sun.
We have to seek truth. There is no other way. if not for ourselves for those we contribute to the world. The Lord dwells among us and we continue on normal registry. I won't be soothed. I seek for all of us. I am looking and trying to live for the truth which must come for all mankind. Dariah i won't be soothed over like milk. I seek for you and for me. I hope only to the infinite for salvation.
A

In the morning

I start the day with a grimace sometimes. I have been told I sleep that way as well. I don't prefer this, I just somehow end up in that space. I don't feel bad about it, nor am I guilty. I have visions of how my life should be if...In truth I seek only to be in tune with His will so I am not concerned so much with the past. I see lately the great opening that comes with happiness. It is as if the world were open to give you its treasure and you are embracing this very giving. I see so many smart people so sad. So much despair. I also despair sometimes. It doesn't mean I am smart. I wish for days where we all can celebrate Life and The One Source of Life.
Waking up is harder if you do not look forward toward the good. I know that when I am in negative space I never want to get up. When I am not so buried in my own mess I see so much more clearly the good and the possibility for me bringing the good to myself and those around me. I want everyone to be with good in there lives and to seek a path of simplicity which enables the good to spread to every aspect of simple life and higher life. We should come to know our hidden potential. We should look courageously forward to life anew and full of power and sweet holiness. I love you.
A

I am moving

How much is ready for this world? How much is here that I don’t know? Who walks quietly with a stick strong enough to break this routine. Who inspires us to speak and to move and to progress toward some thing of consequence? Is it dragging us or are we pulling it. How do I contribute to this movement? How may I consider myself vital to essence. Who is with me and how do they know. If I am quiet all becomes clear and I know. When I speak all is a blur and I grow. The world is growing with me so have I been of the few who pause to reflect at this relationship. Certainly not. Who can teach me to hold a question and who can sooth my hunger? Who is the one I seek and when is the time now?
There is a soul in me and of me and through me it speaks. My body is alive with its vibration and my mind strays often but is also on board for the ride. Can we work together and were we ever apart? Is my love from hunger or neediness or or light in my face on my face coming for me the me that is hiding behind the cracks and holes of the lowest places no one checks for chamutz. I am covered in the wax from the candle of inspection. My branches have extended past there root. I am shaky willow with no wind. How is this one? How is this why is
This one time
One time for all
Inside the limits for redemption
We seek to fulfill that
Which is always
Written on
Tables
Stone and set
In me
There is one
Please be one
Burning
Running
Singing
To me



Pesach for all ages

Sitting but not stuck

I don't have much to say most of the time. I can't tell whether I am waiting until a certain time at which I will be ready to speak or if I am generally not an extroverted person. I am a little bit scared putting myself out like this. I am not totally convinced that a person can be adequately represented without writing voluminously. I guess that does not excuse me from trying. So, maybe I should say something about why I feel inclined to write a weblog. Well the truth is that this is, literally, where I am right now. Every present moment is preceded by a very necessary buildup of events that guide a person to the now. So here I am and I suppose that implies that my whole life up till this moment has been leading me toward this computer and weblog. It also stands to reason that I could choose something else to be my now. It still seems that the reality of bEing conspired to guide and influence my choice. It feels totally natural for me to choose this course of action, as it is natural for a person to go to the bathroom. A person may choose not to go to the bathroom but that breakfast was already eaten and his bathroom visit was more or less digested into the bowels of eternity never to return again, in the same form anyhows. I know my grammar sukz but I don't know no better Jim cuz I am just a slave to my limitations like a snail in a shell. My friend recently edited a translation I did of the writings of Rav Kook. I noticed very quickly how far removed I am from the world of grammar and formal correctitude. I also see how it can assist me in expressing myself more comprehensible universally. I just feel so crushed under the weight of its burden and boundary. I need a medium to communicate directly without words of cages. Grammar, while it standardizes language, at the same time precludes any thought of higher knowledge and connection. It is as if despair dictates our relinquishing deeper communication for a means more pragmatic. Perhaps this line of thinking negates my even attempting to use the very grammar ,that is my bane, to transcend its very limitations. Regardless, I will continue t record some thoughts for whatever reason reality sees I my need for expression.
i Guess i feel a need to connect on some level to something. Everyone probably has some such need. I feel inclined, however, to the highest most transcendental connection or purpose. So often I am left emptyhanded with only my ideals to console me. Is that the true path or is it necessary to compromise for the sake of progress.
This writing thing is a response to a terrible lack inside of me. An aching itch persuading me of condemnation and despair. Am I complete without contributing something without creating? Or is this the ultimate completion. I certainly don't feel at so much peace now as when I remain still and breathe deeply. I am caught in the movement of the world, a sweeping tide that drags me farther and farther away from that which is truly still. I hunger for sweet satisfaction and I thirst with no end. Who can answer my questions if I do not know what they are? From where will my help come? Who am I convincing if I myself do not believe. Master of the Universe read my words from the heart and send my reality strength that I may know my lines when my cue arrives.
thanks for reAding
A

Remember them deeply

write them down in words
stuff them in your pocket
remember them deeply
recall them at will
remind yourself often
look into them freely
look into them softly
share them with friends
attend to them with care
tender love is needed
they don't go far alone
you are needed intensely
so come home all day
intimately appreciated
they never loose hope
holding on to everything
letting them go alone
send them your concern
remember them deeply
forever they are yours